[ Yoshiki half-falls, half-crawls his face onto Lottie's lap, wretched beyond shame. His left hand balls up next to her knee. The right, with its hidden fragment of blackened bone, finds the centre of his heaving chest and digs in.
His sobbing is quiet for all of its force. It's quieter still muffled against Lottie's thighs. His back hitches with it mechanically, a dull, monotonous pulse of choked 'uh-uh, uh-uh'. Sorrow isn't the word for this thing working through him. Grief barely scrapes the edges. His whole body feels like a vessel being worked through by something it's far too small to hold, something he's helpless to stop or understand.
It hurts. It hurts everywhere, forever, a black horizon splayed out in every direction.
He tries to answer her question somewhere in the middle of it. He gets as far as a butchered syllable before he shakes his head, the next repetitive sob like a stone he has to drag up through himself with shaking fingers.
Yoshiki is glad someone else is here with him. He wishes his heart would rip in half. He wants this to stop. He wants to be stronger than this, braver than this. He wants to stay here until Hikaru comes back so he can tell him he's sorry. But Hikaru won't come, and Yoshiki won't die of this, and he can't just let himself forget he's not alone out in this wilderness. ]
I'm sorry. [ He tells Lottie, strangled and cut out, as frail a comfort to her as it is to him. ] 'Bout your friend. I'm sorry.
cw: suicidal ideation, grief
His sobbing is quiet for all of its force. It's quieter still muffled against Lottie's thighs. His back hitches with it mechanically, a dull, monotonous pulse of choked 'uh-uh, uh-uh'. Sorrow isn't the word for this thing working through him. Grief barely scrapes the edges. His whole body feels like a vessel being worked through by something it's far too small to hold, something he's helpless to stop or understand.
It hurts. It hurts everywhere, forever, a black horizon splayed out in every direction.
He tries to answer her question somewhere in the middle of it. He gets as far as a butchered syllable before he shakes his head, the next repetitive sob like a stone he has to drag up through himself with shaking fingers.
Yoshiki is glad someone else is here with him. He wishes his heart would rip in half. He wants this to stop. He wants to be stronger than this, braver than this. He wants to stay here until Hikaru comes back so he can tell him he's sorry. But Hikaru won't come, and Yoshiki won't die of this, and he can't just let himself forget he's not alone out in this wilderness. ]
I'm sorry. [ He tells Lottie, strangled and cut out, as frail a comfort to her as it is to him. ] 'Bout your friend. I'm sorry.